words flow softly from her lips.
she smiles in silent wonder.
no one can read her mind
or let her go
a vision of contentedness without reservation
flowing from the depths of the souls who went before
there is no time as this
there is no way to say, "no" to a love that lasts forever
who will be the one who stands and declares,
"there is no other. I want only you."

make of it what you will

the depths of my soul is envious of eternity.
Crawling past lies and death
past nature and supernatural cravings
the light that there was at the end of the tunnel is dimming
and all I see is my hand right in front of my face.
surety that even life is still within me is uncertain
as flies make their way along the definition of my body

hoping and praying that it's all a dream
unravels as reality hits and realization comes that life is still here
you are still breathing but you are not alive
life is unreal
life is nonexistent except in a linear capacity.
only God exists at this moment in time

mortality rings true and good is defeated
swords and slayers run rampant
cruising the path of defeat and denial
time is eroding and steps taken are lost
memories are burned at the stake
like innocence lost without hope of retrieval

someone has lost it all
had it been me I might have died
should I not return again
call me from afar and in the midst I may hear you
from the fog of my mind in the confines of my soul
I will call out and you will hear me and rescue me
from the life that has no end

in the blackness of this world there is peace and forgiveness
in the darkness that binds me, there is mercy and grace
in the mistakes of the past, present and future, there is hope
in the wonders of your love, there is life
you will find me at Your feet alone, alive and...
smiling.

a girl and her mother

a little girl looks up,
up into the eyes of her mother.
"See me," she says, "here I am."
But her mother says, " all I see is pain."

a little girl looks up,
up into the eyes of her mother.
"Teach me," she requests, "Will you to guide me?"
But her mother says, "I can't. I don't know how."

a little girl looks up,
up into the eyes of her mother.
"Spend time with me," she cries out, "I need you."
But her mother says, "I don't have time for you."

a little girl looks up,
up into the eyes of her mother.
"Show me how to grow," she says, "Mama?"
But her mother says, "This isn't what I want anymore."

a little girl looks up,
up into the eyes of her mother.
"Stay!" She cries out, "I'm left alone. Stay!"
But her mother says, "I'm leaving. I deserve more."

a little girl looks up,
up into the eyes of her mother.
"Don't you love me anymore?" She cried.
But her mother looked distantly off, "I didn't want you."

A little girl grows up.
She's had it hard and stands tall.
Full of pride that covers hurt.
She cries out to God.

"I don't know what to do!"
Her eyes well up with tears,
she kneels and bows before her Lover.
He hugs her and embraces her, "I love you."

"You don't have to be alone anymore," He says.
His eyes mirror her pain as she continues to cry.
Knowing that her pain is no match for His,
for she knows the cause of His pain.

Life returns and the clouds are parted.
She is alive.
She is alone with her Lover.
Quietly she speaks with Him, in whispers of grace.

She is a woman of God and knows her worth.
She is still full of the pain, but her wounds are healing.
Traces of scars are disappearing,
but the marks will always be present.

A woman looks into the eyes of her mother.
"I forgive you for leaving me," she says.
Her mother doesn't understand.
She is herself a little girl, no older than her youngest.

Comparisons, jealously, and confusion have been her life.
Life is different now.
She moves on, realizing that her mother will never be.
Knowing that her mother never lived until now.

Grown-up and loving Jesus.
Knowing Him and realizing that blessings come even through pain.
Knowing that Christ is her all, her parent's will never be, she smiles.
Life can be different for her. It will be different. It is different.

A woman looks up, up into the eyes of her father.
"I am grown and out," she says.
"You are on your own," he agrees.

A woman looks up, up into the eyes of her father.
"I love you, dad," she says.
"I love you, too," he answers back.

A woman looks up, up into the eyes of her father.
"I'm on my own, dad," she says.
"I'm proud of you," he replies.

A woman looks up, up into the eyes of her father.
"I miss you, daddy," she says.
"It's okay. I'll see you again. Stay strong, you'll always be my little girl," he encourages her.

Life was not always happy or easy.
There are scars that can't be seen or erased.
But life can improve.

Life was not a cake-walk.
Life had it's struggles.
But you were strong and survived.

Now it's time to thrive.
Time to grow.
Time to let go, the past is not yours to keep.

Let go, My girl.
Let it be, My daughter.
Let Me consume you instead.

I love you.

Don't give up

sometimes the moon will shatter
and sometimes the earth will break
but forever I will be with you, My son
forever will you be in My grace.

the lion will roar and the lamb,
will be slaughtered.
the blood of My Son was shed.
the light o'er head and the sounds from above,
grievously gave all away.

don't despair Beloved.
don't give up.
the time has not come for you.
I'm not finished, the mission is incomplete
and My guiding Hand is over You.

don't despair, Beloved.
don't give up.
I'm with you, leading you.
look at Me, here I am.
no matter what you're going through,
I am bigger than it.
For I AM.

don't despair, Beloved.
don't give up.
hold My Hand, close your eyes,
and jump.

Thinking thoughts of grace...

I've been thinking about the way that I love You.
I've been thinking about Your Name.
Your worthy and gracious behavior.
My failings and dealings with life.
I'm but a sheep and You are my Shephard.
I am the clay and You are the potter.
Molding and shaping and breaking me down.
Saving and feeding and leading me now.
Over and over You deal just the same.
The kindness comes over and I do just melt.
I can see the love in Your face.
I can feel the love in Your touch.
I know the love of Your voice.
Words of affirmation and Truth You do speak.
Visions of wonderful things up ahead.
Plans and actions take dreams to flight.
I love You, dear Savior, I do.
You've been my All.
You've been my Mother, Father, Brother, Sister.
Protector, Mediator, Mentor, and Crutch.
You've crossed the river of pain and healed it deep down within.
You've mended wounds and dried tears to form smiles galor.
My face never stop the shining of You.
The reflection of You never cease.
As my prayer continues forth and my breath stands still.
Lord, I'm here and I'm ready.
I'm waiting and I'm moving.
I'm planning and I'm asking.
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it.
Seal it for thy courts above.
I'm Yours.

my life is an open wound
waiting for infection
the sore inside my soul is festering
and there is no way to heal it
Hear me when I call
I need a voice to speak with
I am deaf and blind
Waiting in the darkness
I open my mouth, but no sound escapes
even the tears that fall are dry
slowly crawling along the ground
there is no one to guide me
no one to lend a hand
I am alone
The rain falls softly, than harsh
in torrents and walls
causing the sore to expand and eat away the flesh
take it away, Lord
the pain is more than I can bear
take the flesh away
can I be new?
can I be fresh and alive?
i want Your plans.
i want Your will
confusion envelopes and feelings overwhelm
i can't see the ground or the sky or my life
blurring together like a painting with water thrown over it
like a dog kicked away from civilization
like a orphan abandoned, is my heart
hurting and throbbing and awake
words don't help
only Your arms will heal me
take me away, Lord.
take me away and love me
i need You.

Silence between the pages.

I see you standing there.
lips pursed, arms crossed.
You're mad at me.
You won't tell me why.
Screaming and ranting, waving your arms
It's over, I can't do this anymore.
Times have shattered and the line is broken
The phone is dead, communication is down
Drowning in a sea of lies and wandering aimlessly.
We cross paths.
I cling to the wall and shut my eyes.
Hoping to blend in.
Isn't that what you want?
An invisible friend.
One who will lie to you instead of tell you the truth.
One that will give you what you want instead of what you need?
Don't tell me that's not what you said.
Your eyes told me.
your body sent me a message.
Not giving in, I slowly back away.
Your hand comes out to slap me and I run.
Running, running forever on.
My legs are moving so fast,
but I don't seem to go anywhere.
I'm stuck in one spot and no one can help me.
Tearing out in pain, in agony.
Falling to the floor in a mess as water turns to ice.
Slowly, one drop at a time, til the whole floor is a puddle of me.
Slowly, like the pages of a book, turned by one who enjoys it.
In patient anticipation of the next word, there is silence...

i stare into your eyes
Broken and unmoving
you lie awake, struggling
with the workings of your soul
run with me!
lie on the sand of time
hold my hand and love me
love me because i can't
undying, never ceasing
is your love
your aire is tremendous
and i am overwhelmed
i sit in a corner, knees to my chest
breathing ever so lightly
scared to move
waiting for a reply to my plea
workings of an imperfect person
trying, trying to be perfect
it's not succeeding
dying inside, unless able to let go
closing out, unless willing to give up
chains of reality holding dreams to the floor
the soul inside ready to soar and fly
knowing that peace only comes from above
knowing that life is ending and death awaits
physical, emotional, mental, spiritual
all combined in one,
one beautiful woman
God calls her "Mine."